Monday, 19 May 2014

Cancer 10 days of knowing and not knowing.

The Lord is always writing new testimonies in my life and just gets more and more dear and real to me. We serve an awesome God, and those are not just words.  I was diagnosed with cancer in the womb and I have ‘seen’ heaven’s door open (from descriptions in the Bible).  Hebrews 12: 22-24
The fear that it might have gone through the wall of the womb was extinguished after the hysterectomy results yesterday. The verses which I held out to Jesus in the throne room were all materialized.
Psalm 144:14 “May there be no enemy breaking through our walls.” (I prayed that the cancer would not have broken through the wall of the uterus.)
Malachi 4:2 “But for you who fear my name, the Sun of Righteousness will rise with healing in his wings. And you will go free, leaping with joy like calves let out to pasture.” (I had had a dream of hanging on to a very rocky peak mountain with all loose rocks but I was secure and not scared and was rescued. “He makes me surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights” Habakkuk 3:19.
John 11:4 the sickness was “For God’s glory, that God’s Son may be glorified through it” John 14:4.
“…for the Lord God fights for you, just as He has promised. So be very careful to love the Lord your God.” Joshua 23:10-11.
God brought me to the knowledge that dying would have been the ultimate healing; to be with Him and to see everything clearly. This rings so true for me: Philippians 1:21 “For to me, living means living for Christ (God chose this for me for now.) and dying is even better.” (for the time being, this is for later.)  So now I just want to get on and live out verse 22 “But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ.”
I wrote about the first part of this experience on my blog under diary. The hysterectomy that was done on Wednesday (30 April) and the results of the tests (5 May) are only written in my real diary, the diary next to the Bible where God and I have our discussions.  God set me free from the cancer.
My daughter came from London to care for me for 2 weeks until I have healed from the operation. I am healing in leaps and bounds.
I just wanted to share this with you. Just to put a light on where I am growing in Christ.
(So much more to share of Jesus’ wonderful presence while in hospital- watch this space!)
I do not share my sickness or my healing; I share Jesus!
I pray that you will know Him too!

The hospital stay

 3 Christians in a ward

The black ladies diabetes, the Indian ladies painful legs and the white ladies cancerous uterus brought the 3 together in one hospital ward.  All 3 are Christians.

I was there first. I was light from the heavy presence of the Holy Spirit. At this stage the cancer was a dominant ‘person’ mocking his possible invasion in to the rest of my body. I openly declared victory in death and life. Amen from my fellow Christians.

My two ‘inmates’ became larger than life as their pain and their lives became God’s priority. The throne rooms door opened and waited for the 3 of us to walk in. For a split second the remembrance of the ‘unchristian’ phone conversations of the Indian lady brought a flash against me from God’s throne.  I saw Luke 18: 9-14. The prayer of the Pharisee and Tax Collector.  I saw my cancer. If that Pharisee had had cancer, he would not have been proud in prayer. One person is not more knowledgeable before God than another. God meets us where we are.   I prayed:


Father, we come to You today; a black lady, an Indian lady and a white lady. And You, Lord, through Jesus’ blood, only see 3 Jesus ladies standing before You.

We come to ask for healing. The diabetic, the painful legs and the possible cancer.

We come in Your name, and we go in Your name. Take us Lord and be glorified in these 3 lives.

Let Jesus live and talk through us so that others will see and hear and believe.

I pray in Jesus name.


Even there in hospital the diversity of our beautiful country brought joy to my life. These precious individuals moving from bed to bed cleaning, nursing and smiling as a profession. God is good.
I tugged then all in to my prayer diary for there and now. One special prayer that jumped on the front cover is for Lindelani Khoza.  Mrs Koza’s (the diabetic) heart is crying for his salvation and freedom in Christ. 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds” (James 1:2)  Oh yes, I did. My sickness surely glorified God.  Well almost. Two not nice occasions when it was plain to see that my strength is from God and not from me.

Despair, hid under my bed and put on its suction and almost pulled me through the mattress like a heap of dirt. It was when I took my eyes off Jesus. What if there is no Jesus and I die and I don’t go to be with Him? I cried out to Him. “Lord, what do you do with your children that doubt?”  The same as he did to Thomas in John 2:27. He will show me his nail pierced hand and let me touch it with my finger. And if I need more prove he will put my finger in to his side.  He will never leave me. He has made provision for my weaknesses and His Holy Spirit will always be there to guide me in such a real way as for me to exclaim “My Lord and my God!”

People with a hospital chart like mine had no place in hospital. So my doctor ordered me out of the hospital one day sooner.

The arrival at home was not a happy one. Easter, my dog, wanted to get in under my skin and I wanted to hide in the cubbyhole of the car. With her locked up I could shuffle up to the house and the bedroom.  Then, one hairs width away from running and jumping on to my wounded tummy I screamed out. The scream stopped her in time for me to put a pillow in front and for Peter to expect my intestines to be lying on the floor. Panic and shock and pandemonium. I should have been in hospital.

No matter which direction I approached my bed from the pain would get me as I tried to get on or off.

Then Kim arrived from London the next day and the world was all sunny and healthy and nothing was too much. I even ventured in to the car and sat through the bumps to go and make my voters mark. It was a good feeling voting for the Christian party.




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